Mommy Issues – Part 2

If you are new to the story, be sure to check out Mommy Issues – Part 1.

Part 2 is how I was raised. I will not be telling you my whole life story. I will only mention what I think is relevant and it is pretty much a recap.

I grew up with a single mother and 2 much older sisters. My mother worked multiple jobs to support us and she would always send money or supplies back home to the Philippines. She would tell us how good we had it living in America. I was the only one in my family at that point to have been born in the US, I guess it was a huge thing.

When I was in Pre-School, my mother sent me to go live with my Aunt and Uncle in CA. She must have been going through a hard time or something with my sisters. I lived with them for about a year. They raised me like their own giving me everything I needed or wanted. When asked if I wanted to stay with them or go back to my mother, I said I wanted to go back, so back to Hawaii I went.

I was spoiled. I didn’t see it then but I see it now. My mother put me in private school. Having an education was very important to her and I needed the best. By the time I was in middle school my 2 older sisters had both finished school and were off living their lives. It was just me and my mom. I desperately wanted to go to public school. I hated wearing the uniforms and having nuns as teachers. I didn’t know any better. My mother let me go to public high school. One year as a freshman in a public high school and I got on the wrong path. At that point, all I wanted was to make friends, hang out with them and feel like I was a part of something. My mother did not agree.

After my freshman year, she sent me to go live with my older sister in Nevada. I spent part of my sophomore year living with my older sister. Things got shaky and I moved in with my middle sister who also lived in NV not that far away. My middle sister introduced me to the man I am now married to when I was a senior in high school. They worked together and she always wanted me to go after an older man…hehe.

When I graduated in 2003, my mother and aunt came to NV for it. I introduced my then boyfriend to them both and well my mother ignored him, didn’t say a word to him. After graduation, I moved out of my sister’s home to move in with him. I went to college full-time because I had a grant from the state and I didn’t work because my mother was sending me money monthly. When she found out that I moved in with him and had no plans of moving out, she stopped helping me financially. I then got a job, the grant money stopped since I was making too much (year right…I was making minimum wage) and started going to college part-time. I then got a job offer that made quite a bit more with a local home builder. I then dropped out of college all together to take that job and make more money. I never wanted to take advantage of my present husband. I wanted to help out financially as well.

So there it is, we stopped talking when she stopped sending me money. She told me that she would continue to do it as long as I stayed in school. Well she backed out on that. She told me that I shouldn’t need her money since I had a man. Then I heard rumors spreading around my family that my man was physically abusing me! Well I know for a fact that is and never was the case. I have no idea where that started or even who would have said but I didn’t care. I stopped talking to everyone in my family.

For the first time ever, I was completely alone. I only had my now hubby and his family. I did end up contacting my sister and one of my aunts who I now talk to on a regular basis.

So what happened here? Even after writing it all out I am still confused. I don’t know how to fix this or even if I should. I mean, she dropped me off on every one else almost like she never wanted me. I spent my childhood living my life with different people…never staying in one place. What do you think that does to a person? Right now, I just don’t know. So tell me, what would you do? Would you try to get back in contact with her? How?

2 comments to Mommy Issues – Part 2

  • stacey

    I think the question is how much are you interested in repairing the relationship. If it’s one that you would like to have functioning in your life, it is possible that it could be repaired. That would take two, though, you and your mom. What you don’t know is how she feels or what she’s willing to do. It sounds as though you would need to be the one to open the dialogue, though. First you might need to make peace with your feelings. Then it is easier to share them.

    • The Steady Hand

      I think that I am afraid that she wouldn’t meet me halfway. Even if I tried, if she didn’t accept me back I think it would wreck me. I know that I don’t know how she feels but she obviously is okay with not having a relationship with me for the last 7 years. I think I have been able to come to terms with my feeling a little more with writing this post. I just don’t know if I fix my relationship with my mother if it will be better for me in the long run or not. So what do you suggest would be the best way, a phone call, a letter?

I'd love to hear what you think!

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